Ways motherhood changed me

Wednesday May 08th, 2019


Becoming a mother for the first time has been one of the hardest but most rewarding moments of my life. My daughter has truly become my greatest gift. So here are some of the ways that I think motherhood has changed my life.

It has given me an inner strength I didn’t know I had. 

Parenting has brought some interesting challenges. Like surviving giving birth (with no interventions) and then being home with her on our own two hours later.  Alongside surviving and multitasking on sleep deprivation, I have also found that I’ve become more confident as a person. I no longer require the approval of others with things happening in my life. Especially how I feel about my body and soul. I now absolutely love who I am as a person. My body shape and size are secondary to making sure I enjoy life with this little person.

It taught me how to love deeper

Before I had my daughter I loved myself first and then everyone came after that. Don’t get me wrong, I still do love myself but there is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep my baby safe, loved and protected. As much as I can’t wait when bedtime comes around I usually sit down on the couch right after she falls asleep and look at pictures of her for a solid 30 minutes. 

It made me value my free time and independence 

I used to spend an entire day binge-watching reality television on the couch after a long night out of partying. Gone are those days. The party has to be worth it for you to see me out past 2am. Getting up with an infant after a night out is a cruel reality I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. 

It forced me to let go…..a little. 

I am a self-diagnosed control freak. Motherhood has tested that most of the things are out of your control and it is easier to just go with it then try and stick to a plan 100% of the time. Saying that, our lives have become a bit more of a routine and it does make life a bit less complicated for everyone involved. I swear my husband and I could do dinner/bath/bedtime routine blindfolded.. well maybe not the bath.

I’ve accepted all parents are human – even my own

Similarly, gone are the days of raging against my parents’ failings and clinging to hope that one day they’ll change and become perfect parents like the ones in those wholesome sitcoms. Now that I’m a parent myself, I know every mother, stepmother and every father does the best that they can with the tools that they have and it’s all any of us can do. Acceptance is peace.

How terrified I would become

From sleeping on strangers’ couches in Portugal to riding motorbikes helmetless in Cambodia, I kicked off adulthood with that common feeling of invincibility yet entered my 30s terrified of my own shadow (not really but you know what I mean). What are all of the things that can kill me and therefore, prevent me from seeing my kid grow up? I must avoid all of them and then some. I’ve learned to relax on that one. I know that I want my daughter to grow up with the same sense of carefree, brave, fearless leader I had in my Mom. I’ve realized that being scared — can be a good thing. 

I lost who I was before I became a mother, but I found a better version of myself that I’m proud of.

Becoming a mother changes who you are. It changes you in many more ways than can even be described. You constantly have to search your soul for strength and learn more about yourself in the process. Maybe you weren’t who you thought you were before children. Maybe you are this new version of yourself that isn’t as shiny and new but is capable of so much more. I feel a sense of peace in myself I never felt before. 

Each day I remind myself how lucky I am to have the opportunity to be someone's Mother. Not everyone gets the chance and its a job I don’t take lightly. I want to be the type of role model that my parents provided for me growing up. To show my daughter that above all if you are a kind, honest, hardworking person you can achieve all of the abundance this beautiful world has to offer. ~


Jalila Freve


Rod Doris May 11, 2019
❤👍 Happy Mother's Day Jalila; you too mama Wafa! Beautifully written. ❤
Shelley Fife May 9, 2020
What a beautifully written and profound piece Jalila. In your strength and long-held wisdom for someone so young, you've been ready for motherhood and it is so lovely to see you blossom in this role. You do your mom and 'aunties' so proud. XO

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